unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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