So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
