We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
