Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
