im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
