I could make wine with my vomit
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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