We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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