You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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