I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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