Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
