THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
