I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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