if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
