Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
