I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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