my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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