have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
