I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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