What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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