actually, I'm a sock model
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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