Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
