Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
