I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
