I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
