Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
