just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
