he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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