I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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