Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
