i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
