My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
