She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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