that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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