I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
