You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
