i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
