Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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