4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Randomize
