it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
