I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
