I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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