dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
