awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
