see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
