apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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