alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
