Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
