Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
