walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
