So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
