just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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