Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
